The Secret of Getting Your App Featured in the iTunes Store

If you, like me, and many others have invested time, money and effort in creating an iPhone/iPad App, you will know that it’s not a simple process. The submission and approval process can be lengthy, but once your app has been approved and you see it in all it’s glory in the iTunes store, it’s very nearly enough to get you sexually excited. However, you know where it is, but others don’t and there are now over 300,000 apps available. Of course, it is wise to write a compelling and SEO friendly description and upload some sexy screenshots to accompany your app….but still this isn’t enough.

So how the hell do you get it featured as a “What’s Hot” or “Staff Favourite”? Both of which usually lead to the app reaching the top download charts. It has been said, that sleeping with the relevant Apple staff may help, but I wouldn’t touch Steve Jobs with yours, let alone mine. However, having carried out some extensive undercover research I think I have the answer….which was staring us all in the face to start with. Now, I’m not Dan Brown (if I was I wouldn’t be writing this bollocks) but symbology plays a key part in understanding what is required. Also phraseology which is on the level, straight and true, and being square with people helps. As does rolling up a trouser leg, bearing your breast (ooh matron) and having a limp tickley handshake. The app submission process is intense and purposely akin to the third degree….are you still with me?

Here’s the proof:

Proof!! You heard it here first at Twankers

It’s not just the image similarity, the angle of the compass is exactly the same. I appreciate that writing this post may bring the wrath of the Freemasons and Apple down on me….so please do not tell anyone about this post.

As you’d expect, His Worshipful Master, Steve Jobs was unavailable for comment, as were any other Brethren from the Apple Lodge. You think I’m kidding, right?

About these ads