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If only we had #SocialMedia in the 1970’s…

30/11/2011

Twankers_chopper

If, like me, you grew up in the 1970’s, you will be mentally scarred. Having to wash behind your ears with carbolic soap, have a crap haircut, wear national health spec’s, watch enviously as the other boys rode around on their Choppers and having to wear trousers with so many buttons on, you used to wet yourself. How times haven’t changed.

There was no International Network of computers [info: now called the “Internet”] it was typewriters, memo’s and postcards. If you were posh, you had a phone, with a number like “Macclesfield 284” and could use it to call other posh people and say things like “I’m speaking to you on my telephone”. 

Unfortunately, I wasn’t posh, but I did have a second hand telly (I say “I” but it was from Radio Rentals and “uncle” Jimmy paid for it). I used to escape to a different world, and through the magic of YouTube, I can now escape once more.

Below is a selection of programmes I used to watch and it just goes to show how open minded we were way back then. If we had Twitter, we’d no doubt be discussing how great these shows were…or other such things.

And this always made me laugh…how funny it was. I grew up in a working men’s club. Ironic name that.

What is the cat doing? And mummy was “talking” to the milkman.

And finally there was Pan’s People. I never found out who Pan was, but I can remember wanting, so very much, to meet his people.

Happy times.

And just for Gary [comment below] here is an epic performance from Paul “Hi de Hi” Shane on Pebble Mill at One. There is just so much about this performance that is right….too much to comment on. Just sit back and watch in awe. This is what telly should be about.

#SocialMedia Love at first sight: @PeteCashmore & @MargBrennan

16/11/2011

When Margaret Brennan of Bloomberg interviewed Pete Cashmore, of Mashed Potato, on the toilet, it was love at first. This video shows the chemistry and fireworks…but also how the chemistry turned into a bit of a smelly experiment.

#SocialMedia Sales Pitch: Ring any bells?

03/10/2011
Listen up gurus!! If you’re an agency, you will have presented this stuff, and felt slightly guilty. If you’re a business, you will have sat through this, and thought “Is the emperor wearing any clothes?”. This type of nonsense is still be spouted…and people are still buying it. I thought, after over 5 or so years people would have gotten wise….maybe not.
Twankers Social Media Agency Sales Pitch

#LikeMinds Conference: I like your mind…it’s a bit like mine.

16/09/2011

Twankers_like_mind

Yes!!! It’ll soon be on us once again. No, not chlamydia, but the annual Likeminds conference. The once yearly (that’s what “annual” means.) event, where people from the “social media world” come together to compare minds; to inform one another that they like minds, and have minds like each other. It’s great. So, even though Tommy Twanker has not been invited to speak, we thought we’d take up some extremely valuable Internet real estate and help promote this event. You never know, it might be the last one, so if you like talking about Twitface and Giggle Piss you better get yourself along. We’ve included some brief information below. 

Location: It’s in the middle of bleeding nowhere!

Likeminds_map

Speakers: A wide variety of people who can use words…out loud.

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Excerpt from last year: An informative talk by Bilbo Baggage

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The Facilities: Conversation is encouraged at all times

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It looks to be a fantastic event and we will be keeping up to date with everything associated with a mind like yours. We may even be there…we may not….we just don’t know!

NB: The very sad news of Trey Pennington’s passing has affected many. We had several online conversations with him (some would even call it “banter”); he had a great sense of humour and believe he would have appreciated a post such as this. Our condolences go out to his family and friends. A memorium fund has been set up on behalf of Trey to help raise money for The Samaritans.

#Google+ Banning Benny & Tommy: Have they gone too far?

01/08/2011


Crossroads_-_Original_Start.mp3

Have Google+ gone too far? Yes!! On a number of fronts, but that is beside the point. Their recent “banning” of profiles, due to what they perceive as being “unauthentic” included myself Tommy Twanker, Social Media Guru. This is a slight on the “Twanker” name and my ancestors would be turnng in their graves, if they ever existed. This reminds me of my conversations with the Quora police, when they forced me to become a rapper! [True Story]

Well, it has become apparent that the name “Benny” is not allowed either. Miss Diane contacted me when I was having a cup of tea with Meg and Sandy at The Crossroads Motel in Birmingham. (Now there are a couple of posh Brummies). She was appalled that Benny Hat was not on Google+. Then, to make matters much worse, Benny Crime (@BennyCrime) contacted me on Twitface to inform me he’d also been banned. You can see the reactions of both Bennies below.

Bennies_on_twankers

In fact, Benny Crime was so incensed, he took to the streets of London to ask real people, with proper words and stuff to gauge their reactions. As you will see in his video, the people of London are appalled and you can feel their anger. 

If you’ve been a victim of being banned from Google+ we want to hear from you….especially if your name is Benny or Tommy.

Barry Plague of Google was unavailable for comment.

 

#NeedaPee? You need Bog Finder. @TwankersUK Best App on #iTunes

08/07/2011

Bog_finder_by_twankers

If, like me, you regularly pop down to London Town to see the ladies, you’ll no doubt have had many similar experiences as myself. No! I don’t mean the constant re-buffle which makes you feel ugly inside and slightly worthless, I mean getting caught short in-between the various watering holes.

As we all know, after a few sherberts, having broken the seal (had your first tinkle of the evening) you are now in the zone of needing a piddle every 15 minutes or so. (#interestingfact: you wee more than you drink, when on the lash.) There has been far too many a time when a decent evening has come to a shattering end because I’ve been caught short with no place to go, other than to continue casually walking (home) whilst inadvertently and spontaneously washing my trousers and have a pungent steam rise up from my nether regions.

But those days are now over, thanks to a fantastic new app called “Bog Finder“. Very simple it is, and I wish I’d thought of it myself. With a simple mash up with Google Maps it plots your location and shows where the nearest facilities are; shows you the quickest route of how to get there, with an estimated time of arrival based upon walking, dad or mum jogging and running. It even has a gamification element built in, and we are now starting to see people owning the “Throne” in each public convenience.

They are also setting up “bots” (Oooh Matron!) on Twitface which will tweet back the nearest loo to you should you have shared your location and entered the hash tags #NeedaPee or #NeedaPoo.

It is, quite frankly, the best app I have ever used, and it has saved my underpants, trousers and dignity a number of times now. Install Bog Finder and drink the evening away with confidence.

 

It costs: Foo Call…honest!!

12/04/2011

This is not a con! See for yourself, this fantastic offer as advertised through iAds on Twitface for the iPhone (a bit like an iPad, but smaller).

Twankers_foo_call

You just couldn’t make this stuff up!

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